Moms Talk: Motivating vs. Pushing Your Children

Moms Talk is part of an initiative to reach out to moms and families. Eagan Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in the Eagan area.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council will take your questions, give advice and share solutions. Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local schools, pedestrian safety, nutrition, work-life balance and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.  

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. 

So, grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question:

Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and a Yale Law School professor, contends that most American moms are , acting as unwavering cheerleaders even when they don't perform at the level that parents expect. She also says her parenting methods are modeled in the approach her first-generation Chinese-American parents used with her, which she says has made her successful.

Does Chua have a point? Do American moms, but more especially suburban moms, coddle their kids too much? Or is 'tiger parenting' setting kids up for trouble handling failure and a good chance they'll harbor serious animosity toward mom and dad later on in life? Could this be more than a cultural issue; is it also generational? Did our parents coddle us the way we may coddle our children? Where's the line drawn between motivating and pushing your children?

Jenny, mom to a daughter that is almost five and a 2-year-old son:

After some research about "Tiger Mom", I definitely see that I do not fit in that category. I do encourage my children's individuality, only expect them to try their best, and urge them to enjoy their childhood; and I am comfortable with my parenting style. I follow their lead when it comes to trying new activities and intentionally don't push them in a certain direction. Our rule will always be one or two activities at a time and they must finish out the class, season or project. Then they can decide if they want to sign-up again or try something new. 

However, I can see how motivating a child and not allowing them to give up can be a powerful lesson and help build self-esteem. My daughter is very quick to get dramatically upset while working on something new or difficult, and my first reaction is often to make her take a break and try again later. I do this because I start to get upset, too; I can't be much help when I'm fuming also. I think the important part is that we actually try again later, and try again later, until we do reach success.