When he's not editing Lakeville Patch, my dastardly co-worker Derrick Williams is busy hatching evil schemes to take over the world.
Don't believe me? Check out his latest post: "."
Sure, he's only asking you to like his Facebook page. It seems straightforward and innocent. But I assure you that this is only the tip of his villainous iceberg. Derrick is like Brain from the old "Pinky and the Brain" cartoon, constantly plotting and rubbing his hands together like the evil genius he is.
Unopposed, he's a threat to the free world and all the principles of democracy.
Unopposed, he will steal candy from babies.
Unopposed, he will build a gigantic battlestation and use it to blow up planets.
OK, so that last one may just be the plot to "Star Wars", but you get the point. He's one bad dude.
Which is why you, brave readers of Eagan Patch, must stop him! Stand up against evil by visiting the Eagan Patch Facebook page and clicking the 'like' button. Lakeville has a substantial advantage (595 likes to Eagan's 391 at my last count), but good always triumphs over villainy, even if villainy has a head start and a huge floating battlestation.
Please, Eagan readers, you're our only hope!